I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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