there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
