so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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