Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
