Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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