I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
