Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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