apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
