Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(218): View more from Minnesota

i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.

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(512): View more from Texas

Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.

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(816): View more from Missouri

And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume

(612): View more from Minnesota

we need ur ladder

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(510): View more from California

I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear

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(563): View more from Iowa

Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...

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(518): View more from New York

I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.

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(512): View more from Texas

But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down

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