ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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