my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
