dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
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