I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
that may or may not have been my penis.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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