if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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