went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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