I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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