what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
