Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
