you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
