I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
