We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
