Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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