I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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