Im at strip club and am horny
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
