i wish there were pregnant emoticons
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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