I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
