Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
