they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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