Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
