literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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