A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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