She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
