I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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