i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
