That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
