But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
