I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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