Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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