i barfeds in our rink
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
