The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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