Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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