Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
