Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
