**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Bring me that man meat
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
