Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
