It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
