Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
