D3 body, D1 cock
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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