if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
