I wish my penis had an off switch
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
