I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
