Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
