Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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