how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
