I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
