I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
