I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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