Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
