he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Everclear isn't food dammit
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
