Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
