it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
