I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
