help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
