so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
