Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize