So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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