3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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