My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
