ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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