I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
