would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
